06/09/2024

I keep saying I'm gonna be more active about developing this site but I consistently keep letting it fall off to the side. I've gotten so far into tinkering with with my OS and security settings lately. Ended up reinstalling and starting from scratch. Also, at multiple points I tried and failed to make modifications to my router that I had no business trying to do and had to reset the thing, I think, 3 times by this point. Holy fuck, my boyfriend got tired of the router being restarted every 5 to 10 minutes for 3-4 days in a row.

I've been avoiding actual coding for a minute now. I'm really not sure why. Maybe I just got burned out on it from all the failed attempts I couldn't find a compromise for an immediate solution. I tend to go WAY too hard at things and then feel disappointed at myself for failing to finish them. For example, about a month and a half ago I started a text-based RPG. I had a lot of fun writing what I did with it so far, and for awhile it was fun to code. Until at some point my boyfriend noticed me struggling with it as the dialogue trees created more and more branches that I was starting to have immense trouble keeping track of. He had to point out to me that I was trying to do what game engines exist to help with in the first place. Of course, me being the stubborn bitch that I often am decided to take that as a challenge, and kept going...for about 1 more day. Cue the disappointment and feelings of worthlessness.

Now, to be fair, I did start at least one more project. Hell, I think I can finish this one now that I've reminded myself of it again. Just a calculator web app. I wanted to get all fancy with it and include a lot of weird functions just to stretch my math muscles a bit. I'll add it to my list of stuff to finish and add it to the Projects section of my site when it's ready.

Over the last few weeks I started taking a few JavaScript courses. Never really doing much with them. It felt very difficult to learn while only reading about coding instead of DOING actual coding. Makes a lot of sense. Honestly, I feel like doing them alongside actual coding work will be a lot more helpful. In the meantime I did start a new hands-on course at javascript30.com. Once I got it working (embedded media players aren't a huge fan of hardened Firefox with a boatload of content blockers), it was fun to get my hands dirty again for a second. That'll be something I have to start doing every day.

On the bright side of things, I sent in applications to two nearby universities so I can get one of those magic pieces of paper with my name on it (and hopefully some skills along the way lol). Applied for financial aid because my ass is dead broke and I'm hoping like fuck I don't have to take out massive loans for this shit. Fingers crossed.

On an even more positive note, I found myself at a concert I never thought I'd be at and it was a goddamn blast. My boyfriend's sibling went to their first concert recently, and wanted to go to another one ASAP. So I looked and saw there was another one coming up at my favorite local bar and said "let's go!". Had no fucking clue who they were and I never bothered looking. Something led me to believe it was gonna be a random punk show. I can't remember what made me think that. The day finally came, being yesterday. We walked through the doors and I immediately noticed absolutely none of the local punk dudes I know. And a lot of loud rowdy Kyle lookin' motherfuckers. Nothing wrong with that but not what I expected.

The first band started up soundcheck and from their guitar choices (fuckin 8-string guitars tuned down so low it'll make your pelvis rumble) and guitar tones alone this was gonna be heavier than shit. Not the kind of sludgey heavy I usually go for, but the 'death metal turned up to 11' kind. The deathcore kind. I like me some death metal but haven't listened to any newer acts in years. And I'd never really been into deathcore. Band started playing and immediately, people SLAMMING all around the place so hard you'd probably worry about getting accidentally kicked in the face or something.

GODDAMN this crowd was fired up. Circle pits, moshing harder than almost anything I'd ever seen. I was feeling not so great yesterday so I sat most of it out. But holy fuck the bands were so goddamn rowdy and heavy I started getting that itch. I felt like a damn junkie watching other people do their drug of choice. This deep need to get violent just welled up inside of me. Last band came out and I could not contain myself any longer. I handed my bf's sister a hat full of all my loose belongings and said "I can't take it anymore. Can you hold this for me for a few?" and jumped in there. Goddamn it was fun. I hadn't actually gotten in a pit in years (last time I did a bouncer threw me down, tore my favorite leather jacket, broke my phone, and physically dragged me across the floor and threw me out the door - at THIS SAME BAR LMAO). But this was BLISS. Realized how badly I've gotta do this again when my body isn't feeling like utter dogshit. Then I looked up and from across the pit, I saw this motherfucker with his shoulders thrown down and a shit-eating grin running at me FULL SPEED. Dude tackled me so hard I went FLYING back, hit my head on the floor, and one of my shoes went flying off into the crowd. He and the crowd helped me back up afterwards and asked if I was alright. NEVER BEEN BETTER MOTHERFUCKER and kept at it again for a few minutes before I figured I should go check in on my concert buddy to make sure they're alright. Sometimes you just gotta release the demons. And fuck, I got into some new bands and found a new genre to dive into.

Viihna

- 06/09/2024