I took a little bit of a break from journaling, both here and my irl one. Turns out that wasn't a great idea, because my mental health started to suffer. It really helps to give myself signposts, so that I know I'm not just spinning my wheels. Also, I really need it as an outlet, because dumping my brain onto a plate makes more room for me to think about other things. It's a very liberating feeling.

I only recently got my ADHD meds back. Not knowing when, how, or if I'd get them back was weighing very heavily on my mind. I was only diagnosed this February, and that first script I was given did wonders for me. Turns out with a little extra dopamine I can BE PRODUCTIVE FOR ONCE! The prospect of having that ripped from my hands and the following uncertainty was doing a serious number on my emotional state. Anyway, that's all been solved so I feel a lot better. I also like my new psychiatrist a lot better. My last one seemed very jaded, detached, and basically rushed me out of her office every visit. My new one took 2 hours to talk to me, give me a thorough assessment, and he had real, genuine humanity about him. It was a really nice change. My experience with medical professionals has always been a crapshoot - I either get the most friendly, helpful people in the world or the worst possible example out there. Hell, my last therapist spent half the sessions talking about his own life, and when I told him I was too busy with work to have an appointment he called me MORE THAN 50 TIMES IN A MONTH 🙃

I've been reassessing what I want to do with my career path. The more I learn about the fields, the more I think I don't actually want to work in cybersecurity. I'll always be fascinated with it and will learn its associated skills for my own personal satisfaction, but I am NOT wired to be in a constant state of vigilance, knowing any action I make could have catastrophic consequences. At this point I'm focusing on either becoming a fullstack or front end developer. Been trying to learn more JavaScript (and node.js) and MySQL in my free time when I'm not working on this site. That sounds more like my sorta thing. I'm also gonna try to learn some skills useful in Machine Learning if I can spread myself that thin. Time will tell. I have this bad habit of trying to do everything at once, then crashing and burning when it turns out I'm not a superhuman and can't do that. I should probably make some more time to learn the ins and outs of Bash and Powershell scripting, though. Not gonna lie, I know absolutely fuckall about how to make scripts. Would probably make my life a lot easier, being able to automate repetitive tasks.

As far as this site goes, I've been working on making a mobile version before I add new pages, since I know the existing site SUCKS on mobile. Sorry about that, guys! I'm still learning. It's gonna take a hot minute, but as of now I've got the landing page, home page, and sitemap working. I'm gonna try to get to these journal pages and my contact info page next. That said, if you're on my mobile site and notice anything weird please don't hesitate to let me know! Well, that's all for now. I'll try to start adding entries journal entries regularly in the future.


- 05/02/2024

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